just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
