I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Randomize
