I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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