Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
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