mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
