Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Randomize
