You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.�
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
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