if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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