I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
smell my finger.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
