either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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