You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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