he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
