Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Randomize
