Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
