Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
