My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
