im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
