last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Your penis caused this!
Randomize
