Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
