new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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