what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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