so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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