she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
