i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
