Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
