people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
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