; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
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