yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
