Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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