I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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