i may or may not be watching the land before time
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Randomize
