The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Randomize
