Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
