i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
