he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
