It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
