I want to walk on stilts...naked
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize
