weddingsv make me drug and hornr
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Randomize
