My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
