I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
