Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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