she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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