it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize
