Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Randomize
