My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
