Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
