Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Randomize
