While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
