I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Randomize
