I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
True strength comes from lack of pants
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize