i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
