i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
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