How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Enjoy the penises
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
