Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
