just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
He? As in you personified your dick?
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Randomize
