also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Randomize
