i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
