I CAN MOONWALK!
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
