If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
